I've been lazy, is what I'm saying. I mean, it's not like I haven't worked: I have several projects in progress. However, I haven't been maximally productive, for which I feel guilty. For so long I've had a chip on my shoulder about doing all the work I do with so little childcare and now that the chip is finally gone, I gotta figure out how to be productive now that I don't have to relegate my work to whatever spare moments I can string together. The plan might involve 100% less cancelled ABC Family dramas about ballerinas during the day. Might.
It doesn't matter anyway. In a few weeks, I'm about to have a lot more work and this mama always gets her shit done. And during this down time I have done some thinking and oh yeah, I buried the lede of this post because I like doing that. (Years of watching The Simpsons has warped my sense of structure.) So, here's the rub: after over four years, I'm killing this blog. I've loved making this. This is my 475th post, if you can believe it! It kept me writing when all I could think about was the day to day operations of being a stay-at-home mom and gave me an outlet during the indescribably difficult early days of having two-under-two.
Remember the that a random ex-boyfriend that I'd almost forgotten about who started leaving mansplainy comments under the pseudonym of "Mary Shu" but my wannabe hacker cousin helped me bust him using his IP address? Yeah, good times. Oh, and hey, remember that time that my wannabe hacker cousin got me permanently banned from Ad Sense? That shithead still denies it but once — once — he admitted that he created a little program to automatically click on my ads for me. Remember when Our Little Lady of the Pink Cheeks puked inside her daddy's mouth? Remember when I talked about my bewbz constantly? Remember when Kasper exploded from my innards like a jack in the box? Remember that time when some monster asked me when I was due when I totally wasn't pregnant at all and then followed that shit up by asking me why I wasn't exercising more and so I got super upset and I started trying to exercise more and while doing so I walked past a homeless man rolled up in a blanket jerking off while staring at me through a hole in the blanket? Ah, memories. But you can relive them at your leisure. I'm not going to take this blog down. It'll remain right here as an archive. But I'm not going to add to it anymore.
In addition to being my outlet and my comfort over the last four years — some of which has been extraordinarily difficult — I learned how to write for an audience. I learned how not to be a dick when writing about my friends (a few posts have been deleted from the archives). I learned how to gulp down haterade. I learned how to fess up when I'd been a dick. I learned to not to hit "publish" when I was still in the throes of a moment of anger/elation/sadness/any strong emotion. I learned how to set my ever shifting boundary between public and private. I learned how to be read, which is in many ways more important than knowing how to write.
Oh wait, I buried another lede. I have a big announcement to make...really big.
Can a woman in her reproductive years say that without making everyone think that she's recently Googled "DIY IUD removal?"
I'm not pregnant. Not with a human anyway. No, I'm pregnant with a book! That's right. Fall 2014, Skyhorse Publishing, Stop Reading Baby Books. For reals. It's based loosely off of something I drunkenly posted on this very blog, (well, technically I posted it the next morning because of the aforementioned lessons learned about writing stuff that some people actually read). It's not a blog-to-book kind of dealio though. Please don't expect anything like "JJust Kidding: the Book." I'm taking the tone and idea of that one post and expanding it to a book about baby's first year and all the dumb stuff that people get all worked up about like the way that women can be equally shunned for breastfeeding in public and feeding a baby formula in public because we're just all so fucking worked up about tits and nipples and bottles and food that it's a struggle for a parent to just go about feeding their baby without getting fifteen kinds of shit from fifteen different camps of people who give too many shits about boobs and bottles.
I wrote a proposal in March and April. I got an agent in May. She sold it in July. That might all seem quick, but from my perspective it has been FUCKING GLACIAL. Like, you can not even imagine how much anxiety and terror has gone into getting to this point, but I think the book is going to be the awesomest and I'm excited as hell to finish writing it and get it out in the world. Oh, and maybe some of you have the same question my father-in-law did: yes, it will be a "real" book, available both as an ebook and printed on actual paper and sold in stores. And please buy that sucker up because I'd like very much to write some more books.
Oh, and since I have a book coming out and it would be stupid to stop blogging, I'm not. I am killing this blog, but I'm starting anew over on my personal page at http://jjkeith.net/blog. The first few posts are up for your perusal. I'll post once a week or so as I've been doing here, but the content will be slightly different in that it'll skew less personal and more topical because realtalk: my kids are getting old enough that they're entitled to not have their damn mother live-blogging their childhood. It'll be more reflective of the content in Stop Reading Baby Books and the kind of stuff I've been publishing outside of this blog on HuffPo, Salon and elsewhere, but instead of essays, it'll be shorter and less developed things.
IMPORTANT: If you read this blog via its RSS feed, you will automatically be subscribed to the new blog (I hope). I'm just going to redirect the feed (I hope). You don't need to do anything (I hope). However, while I figure out how to do that, you might see some wonky shit in the feed.
So in summary:
- I like to watch Bunheads while eating nachos and drinking virgin mai tai mix.
- Say bye-bye to JJust Kidding, including and especially its awkward, punny title. How do you pronounce it? No really, I'm asking because I still don't know.
- Say hello to my pretty new wordpress blog.
- And please pee your pants with anticipation for Stop Reading Baby Books, my book which'll be released by Skyhorse Publishing in Fall 2014.